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Rovers AH Match Report

Friday2006-05-1218:30
Rovers AH1 (1) - 0 (0)Touring team
Manager: Paul Proudfoot


xx Derrick Brooks' AH match report
May 15, 2006, 04:51:33 PM by Silas
Munich Irish Rovers Recreation versus Landaan Touring Team

Friday 12 May 2006

Report by Derrick Brooks

Venue:   Siemenspark

Attendance   A couple of them, Alan Ahern?s personal fan club and later, Rovers? Chairman Diarmuid Kelly turned up, having been allowed out for the first time this year!

Weather   Warm and sunny, so perfect ? Biergarten weather.

Pre-match
After a baptism of fire at FC Phoenix on Tuesday, Rovers? very own Gordon Brown, ?Prudence? Proudfoot took charge of the new Recreation team for the first time, hoping to build on the 9-1 (or was it more?) demolition of W14 in their previous outing, and in the process build his own managerial confidence.

The Line-Up
Davide ?Papa? Passarelli
?Dodgy? Derrick Brooks, ?Goalden? Gordon MacDonald Renzo ?The Rock? Scapin
Rich ?Kid? Jarvis, Christian ?Mad? Maurer, Taj ?Mahal? Johal, ?Nifty? Noel Canning, ?Saint? Pauli Synnott
?Deadly? Dave Akin, Pascal ?The Rascal? Herve

On the bench were Alan ?Bertie? Ahern, Paul ?Prudence? Proudfoot, Silas ?Ricky? Tomlinson and Rod ?Rasher? Bracken.

The Match
After their tremendous success in the last such game, the Rovers? were full of confidence, confidence that was reinforced as the tourists? walked, or rather staggered, down the Rovers? line prior to kick off. That?s how to break the Alter Herren none-winning streak?send the opposition to the Hofbra?haus for the afternoon prior to the game.
The Rovers attacked first, but the tourists? elderly defence was equal to the task and one of them intercepted the ball and played it back to the keeper. Webb-Ellis in goal picked the ball up, sold the on-rushing Rovers? forwards a dummy and set off down the wing. But something didn?t feel right?the ball?it was shaped like a?well like a ball?it was ball-shaped, not egg-shaped. A sudden terror came over him. With mounting trepidation, Webb-Ellis looked at the goal posts?3 metres high as opposed to 9, net attached, crossbar at the top of the posts rather than third of way up. No doubt about it, it was a football pitch alright, but Association, not Rugby. Webb-Ellis was playing the wrong game!

The referee stood impassively, arm in the air signaling an indirect free-kick to the Rovers, 10 metres out from goal slightly to the left. What a chance! He painstakingly positioned the wall, taking several minutes to get it in the right place. The Rovers lined up across the box ready to hit it. The tourists, beads of perspiration standing out on their concentration-furrowed brows, lined up on the goal line ready to fling themselves without thought for bodily safety towards the ball that a waiting Rover would have dispatched with frightening velocity towards the goal. ?Deadly? Dave stood over the ball, pulled his boot back and played a precision ball straight out for a goal kick. ?It was the sporting thing to do,? claimed the Korean-bound cockney, by way of explanation, ?the keeper didn?t know the rules.? Very good, Dave, I?d stick to that story if I was you?someone might believe you.

The tourists seemed a strange bunch. Not only did they have a rugby player in goal, but they also seemed to be playing a marathon runner up front who spent the whole game running backwards and forwards across the pitch, irrespective of where the ball was, or even if it was in play at all. Still it has often been remarked that the Rovers defenders are some of the nicest people playing in the Munich leagues and this was proved once again as Renzo ?The Rock? selflessly followed the tourists? Deshon Martis (remember him?) like an obedient puppy out for walkies with his master and protectively ensured that the ball never got the chance to interfere with the jogger?s training by clearing it away whenever it came near him.
?Papa? Passarelli had to be alert to push out a tourist corner that had been allowed to bounce in the 6 yard box, then showed how well he?d assimilated into the Rovers? culture by demonstrating a fine command of the finer points of Anglo Saxon English when ?Razor? Ross, a shaven-headed, barrel-chested tourist left a foot in as ?Papa? collected a slightly over hit through ball.

The Rovers were struggling on the left hand side so ?Prudence? Proudfoot, showing off hitherto unseen tactical nouse, pulled Pascal ?The Rascal? into left midfield, with ?Nifty? Noel going up front, a masterstroke that paid immediate dividends. ?Dodgy? Derrick intercepted a tourist through-ball and in less time than it takes a dyslexic to read War and Peace played it to ?Mad? Maurer, who, being born and bred in Germany and therefore used to the slow and precise German game was the only player that hadn?t fallen asleep in the time it took ?Dodgy? to control the ball. The ?Laird from Leverkusen? passed to Pascal ?The Rascal? who in turn sent ?Deadly? Dave away down the left wing. Leaving defenders trailing in his wake ?Deadly? raced into the box looked up and saw ?Nifty? Noel arriving totally unmarked at the far post. ?Should I pass?? thought ?Deadly?. ?Nah? and he went for goal himself, but miscued his shot so badly that it turned into a perfect cross for ?Nifty? Noel to tap in after all. 1-0. ?It was a cross, man,? claimed the oriental adventurer.
The Rovers finished the half stronger with Taj ?Mahal? impressing in the centre, Rich ?Kid? bounding up the right wing and ?Saint? Pauli patrolling the left wing back berth like he had when he first appeared for the Rovers?except that in those days there wasn?t such a position as wing back and the ball was a laced up leather case. Oh, and ?Saint?s? hair was black then!

Then ?Deadly? Dave found himself with only the keeper to beat. The crowd thought he?d go round him, but ?Deadly? hit it early?straight at the keeper, who blocked easily. ?It was the sporting thing to do,? whined the Rovers? Korea-man, ?we don?t want too big a lead too early!?

Half time 1-0.
All Rovers subs came on at half time, ?Bertie? Ahern for ?Dodgy? Derrick at man-marker, ?Prudence? Proudfoot for ?Saint? Pauli in left midfield, ?Ricky? Tomlinson also in midfield for ?Nifty? Noel with Pascal ?The Rascal? going back up front, and ?Rasher? Bracken again in midfield for Renzo ?The Rock? with ?Mad? Maurer dropping back to man marker.
It might have been expected that the tourists would begin to wilt in the heat after an early morning flight and all day in the pub, but if anything it was the Rovers who seemed to struggle especially in midfield, but ?Goalden? Gordon, dominant with both head and foot, kept tourist chances a minimum.

Slack marking in the Rovers midfield led to a tourist shot that cannoned off the bar and the Rovers countered with a couple of long range efforts from midfield general Taj ?Mahal?. Then ?Deadly? Dave found himself with only the keeper to beat. This time ?Deadly? took it round the keeper who fell to his knees as if prayer and easily took the ball off ?Deadly?s? foot. ?It was the sporting thing to do,? whinged the Seoul man, ?they?ve come a long way to play this.?
The Rovers then made some more changes, bringing back ?Dodgy? Derrick and goal-getter ?Nifty? Noel for ?Goalden? Gordon and Rich ?Kid? respectively, ?Dodgy? taking up his man-marking role and the ?Laird from Leverkusen? stepping into sweeper. The changes had an almost immediate effect. The tourists? crossed into the box, ?Dodgy? made an unbelievable leap for it, unbelievable in that although his feet left the ground, his head didn?t get any higher. ?Razor? Ross hit a shot across ?Papa? Passarelli into the far corner for the equalizer, but the tourists celebration were cut short by the referee signaling offside, as one of the tourists had followed the shot in and tapped the ball over the line. ?It was over the line before I got there,? pleaded the disbelieving visitor.

?Don?t matter, me old China,? replied referee in an accent that Dick van Dyke would be proud of, ?you became active when you went for the ball.?

The Rovers made another couple of substitutions, turning back the years by bringing old favourites ?Saint? Pauli and Renzo ?The Rock? on for ?Deadly? Dave and Pascal ?The Rascal?, but not before ?Deadly? found himself with only the keeper to beat. The previous time, ?Deadly? had tried to round the keeper and failed and the time before he?d hit it early but straight at the keeper. On this occasion ?Deadly? combined the two by taking it early round the keeper and straight out of play. ?It was the sporting thing to do,? griped the dog-devourer, ?they?ve been in the pub all afternoon.?
The last action was a cross into the Rovers? box. A host of players went up, ?Papa? Passarelli called but was barged over by a Nat Lofthouse-mimicking tourist. The ball ended in the net, but the referee had already blown for the foul on ?Papa?. Free kick to the Rovers and that was pretty much it?except when ?Deadly? Dave, retrieving a ball that had been kicked out for a throw in, found himself with only the water bottles to beat. He dummied to go round them, but bought his own dummy, tripped over his feet and fell over, leaving the ball nestling gently against the water bottles. ?It was the sporting thing to do,? claimed the far-eastern voyager, ?the thrower might want a drink.?

Final score: Munich Irish Rovers Recreation 1 Landaan Tourists 0.

Verdict
A close game between two reasonably matched teams that the tourists can consider themselves somewhat unfortunate to have lost. But most importantly, everyone had a reasonable run out, and seemed to enjoy the game. And even more importantly than that, the tennis club was open so the players could re-hydrate themselves after the game in the customary fashion.